Marrabyssa has done a good job at making her main point clear. She says in her draft that “I am simply a child that is subject to the perception of others, like all humans are.” Society has an impact on the way people feel and look at others. More broadly, she could be implying that intelligence is just a construct of society. Standardized tests may not be a good way to quantify intelligence and that there are different types of intelligence that cannot compare with each other since they are so different.
The parts that I enjoyed the most is when she backed up her thoughts with real life examples and comparisons and how we put people in labels, which really got me thinking. Also, I enjoy the way she ended her draft with “we have to stop perceiving others for who we think they are and start seeing them for who they are.” This ending wrapped up her general theme in one line and can keep the reader questioning what she was talking about in her draft. She says that “every story has a moral” and she ends up putting a moral to her story as well, which is quite funny.
The only thing I would think would need some work is her revision. Her ideas were well organized and structured. However, there were a couple spelling mistakes that could have been fixed if it was read through again. However, everything else was well done and it was a great draft.